my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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