I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
