Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
