Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
