I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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