btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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