ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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