We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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