I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
