I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
