He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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