My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nicole vs. Life
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
