i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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