Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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