What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
