Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
