no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
