guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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