Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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