cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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