some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
