he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
