i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
