Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
