and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
