Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
