there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
