I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
