everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
