I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
