Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
