miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
