Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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