i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
