All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
