So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
