He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
