My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
