Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize