i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
