You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Randomize
