i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
