I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
