he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
