Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
