I have demons in me.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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