Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize