It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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