remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
