I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
