The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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