you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
