If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
