I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize