lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
