you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
