he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she smelled like a LAN party
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
