my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
