i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
