Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
