please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
