I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
