What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
