Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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