She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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