I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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