HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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