I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
