Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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