I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
