I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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