Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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