i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
