U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
