I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
In America we eat man semen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize