mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
