she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
