maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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