She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
