i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
